


That Awkward Age

by i_know_its_0ver



Category: Merlin - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-25
Updated: 2011-01-25
Packaged: 2017-10-18 14:50:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/190010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_know_its_0ver/pseuds/i_know_its_0ver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur is secretly in love with Merlin but can't tell him, so he comes up with a plan to get Merlin to help him "practice" his kissing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That Awkward Age

**Author's Note:**

> this is technically a canon-era AU because 1) they are younger than when the show begins and 2) they've grown up together. Everything else remains the same.
> 
> Warnings for fairly explicit sexual content, and underage.

They were at that awkward age. That’s what his father always called it. Those teenage years when hormones run high and override the voice of reason. But apparently this age was especially awkward for Arthur. It figured.

All his friends were starting to court. Well, if you could call it that—mostly it meant catching serving girls in dark corners for a few heated kisses, or, if you were really lucky, a quick fuck. The castle grounds were full of such accommodating spaces, and such accommodating girls. If you were a dashing young knight-in-training, anyway.

Which Arthur happened to be. But Arthur was different. Arthur was a bit gangly and awkward, his limbs growing before the rest of him had a chance to catch up. Now at 15 his shoulders were just starting to broaden, his muscles gaining the beginnings of definition. The man he would someday become was visible, hidden somewhere underneath the ungainly exterior. But that was still several years in the future.

But Arthur was different in another way as well. Because even if he were dashing and smooth like the other noble boys he still wouldn’t be chasing girls around, commoners or otherwise. There were plenty who made offers, certainly, but he knew it was mostly due to his title. And he turned them down without exception. Because, by some exceedingly cruel twist of fate, he only had eyes for one person: his obnoxious, clumsy, cheeky servant, Merlin.

Merlin had been his servant for almost as long as Arthur could remember. His guardian was a close friend and advisor to the king, so Merlin was given the special favor of being Arthur’s personal servant, for which he had been training since a young age. They grew up in each other’s company, as playmates and friends before Merlin was old enough to take up his duties.

But now things were different. Arthur didn’t know exactly how they had changed. But the older they got the more aware he became of Merlin, with his waifish figure and ethereal beauty that no one else seemed to notice. Arthur couldn’t figure out if other people were blind, or if he was just odd. He loved Merlin’s hair, black as a raven’s wings, and those deep blue eyes that sparkled even in the dark.

But most of all Arthur noticed his mouth. Merlin’s lips were plump and perfectly bowed and the most delicate shade of pink. Arthur found himself staring at those lips whenever Merlin spoke to him, following their movements as Merlin pouted or smiled or worried the bottom lip with his teeth. He wanted to know how soft they were, what they’d feel like on his own chapped mouth. It was becoming something of an obsession, and Arthur was frankly worried that if he didn’t do something about it soon he might lose his mind and do something completely mortifying. And such a thing would be unbecoming for the future king of Camelot.

So he came up with a plan. That was Arthur’s strong suit, after all-- strategy. It may not have been his most genius plan ever, but Merlin was too trusting to second-guess his motives. Probably. That unwavering loyalty was something else Arthur loved about his companion, and he felt a twinge of guilt at twisting that loyalty to his own ends. But it just had to be done, he told himself. There was no other way.

That afternoon Merlin entered his chamber to bring the prince his lunch. Arthur was sitting at the table, ready and expectant, running through the plan one final time. He practically jumped when Merlin entered, his nerves getting the better of him. It was imperative that he play it cool in order for this to work. Merlin could absolutely not know that he was nervous.

“Here’s your lunch, Arthur.” Merlin placed the tray on the table with his usual lack of grace or formality. He took in Arthur’s blank stare with a questioning quirk of his eyebrow (a habit he’d picked up from his guardian, and one Arthur told him looked ridiculous. Of course he did it anyway). “Something on your mind today?” he asked, all friendly concern.

Arthur forced himself _not_ to stare at Merlin’s lips as he replied. “I’m having some…difficulties lately, I thought maybe you could help me.”

At that Merlin brightened. The boy just loved to be helpful. He was eager now, sitting down beside Arthur and waiting for him to continue.

Arthur took a deep breath to steady himself and launched into the story he had rehearsed carefully. “There is this girl,” he began and paused abruptly when Merlin’s eager expression fell. Merlin dropped eye contact, the table suddenly becoming engrossing. Sometimes Merlin would have sudden changes of mood like this. It had been happening more and more frequently as of late, but Arthur could never figure out what it meant. But now was not the time to deal with that issue. One thing at a time. He braced himself and continued.

“I wish to…woo her. And, as you probably know, I don’t have much, er, experience in these matters. It is of course imperative that I gain some proper practice before approaching her, so as to be able to please her. That is where you come in.” He paused and waited for Merlin to look up, to give his nod of assent, which he did, hesitantly.

“I need you to help me practice kissing.” The words came out in a rush before he could lose his nerve and abandon the idea entirely. His heart beat painfully fast as he stared at Merlin, waiting for a reaction. Would he be disgusted? Would he ridicule Arthur for his lack of experience? Arthur didn’t know if he could take a flat out rejection.

But when Merlin finally looked him in the eye Arthur couldn’t decipher the expression he found there. He could usually read Merlin like an open book; the boy was anything but subtle. But there was something conflicted in this expression. He looked sad, hurt almost, and Arthur couldn’t fathom why. But there was also a glimmer of something else, faintly glowing behind his eyes. It looked like…hope? excitement? He couldn’t tell.

“You want me,” Merlin croaked, before clearing his throat. His voice was oddly thick. “You want me to help you practice kissing so you can go woo a woman?” Arthur nodded uncertainly, because when Merlin said it like that it somehow sounded ridiculous. But then Merlin seemed to change his mind, because he nodded once, decisively.

“Alright, then. But I don’t think I’ll be much help, I haven’t got any, er, _experience_ either. Maybe you should find someone else to…?” But he cut himself off, mouth snapping shut with an audible click.

Arthur’s heart was hammering now. Merlin hadn’t kissed anyone. The thought shouldn’t make him so excited, but he couldn’t ignore the burst of joy in his chest. He would be the first. The first to feel those glorious lips, to hold Merlin close. And that seemed so _right_.

“No, Merlin, I think you’ll do just fine.” Arthur tried to smile reassuringly, but he could feel his lips faltering. It was best to get this over with before he could get himself wound up any tighter.

He cleared his throat pointedly. “Well, um, shall we?”

“Now?” Merlin’s voice came out as a nervous squeak. And oh, did he look gorgeous, cheeks blushed rosy, blue eyes wide.

“No time like the present.” Arthur hoped he sounded more mature and in-control than he felt. Because what he actually felt was ready to throw up and run from the room crying. But a prince would never do that.

“Um, ok. How do we…” Merlin looked so lost and uncertain, just like Arthur felt. But it made Merlin look even more fragile and beautiful and Arthur just had to hold him, _right now_.

He grabbed Merlin’s hand and stood them up abruptly, pulling him close so there was only a few inches between their bodies. He could feel the warmth of Merlin’s breath on his face, and noticed they were both breathing quickly. Arthur could feel his heart pounding against his ribs and wondered if Merlin could hear it, like a clumsy off-kilter drum beat. Merlin’s hand was trembling slightly and Arthur grasped it tighter. He glanced at Merlin’s eyes only to find them settled intently on his own lips, with a look of longing. No, that couldn’t be right.

But then Merlin’s tongue darted out to wet his lower lip. The move was unconscious, but to Arthur it looked like an open invitation. He couldn’t wait any longer. Eyes drifting closed of their own accord, he leaned forward to bridge those last few centimeters.

Their lips brushed softly, tentatively. There was only the slightest ghost of contact, a mere sweeping of lips. But it sent shivers down Arthur’s spine. And then he pressed more firmly, his mouth overlapping and encompassing Merlin’s plump lower lip, and oh, that was nice. And then Merlin was tilting his head ever so slightly, and seemed to find the perfect angle. Suddenly their mouths fit together like they were made for each other, like they had been designed for exactly this. Arthur forgot to breathe as every nerve in his body focused on those few square inches of touching lips.

His hands moved of their own volition, wrapping themselves around Merlin’s slender waist, palms flat against the small of his back, pulling him closer against his chest. Merlin’s hands followed suit, sliding behind his back, resting over his shoulder blades.

Finally Arthur had to pull back infinitesimally because he realized that he hadn’t quite figured out how breathing fit into all of this yet. As he opened his lips for a gasping breath his eyes pulled open slowly. He found Merlin looking back at him, dazed and flushed and looking more beautiful than a mere human had any right to.

Before he could think about it he was kissing him again. But this time it was different. This time the pressure was firmer, insistent, desperate. His lips parted minutely, acting instinctively, his tongue darting out to lick at Merlin’s full bottom lip, and yes, he definitely liked that. Merlin seemed to agree, because a small gasp slipped out, parting his lips ever so slightly. Arthur took the opportunity to let his tongue roam over the velvety soft skin of his inner lip.

Merlin apparently approved of that too, because he grasped Arthur’s shoulders tighter and let his lips fall open further. Without pausing to think about what he was doing, Arthur slipped his tongue past Merlin’s lips, exploring every surface he could find: teeth, gums, cheeks, and then, _oh_. Merlin’s tongue, tentatively touching his own, shyly backing away before returning to stroke together again. This time it was Arthur who shuddered. He’d never imagined anything like this in all the time he’d spend imagining this very moment. He wondered if anyone else had ever made this discovery, and if so why he hadn’t been informed. This seemed like news that should be broadcast to the whole kingdom, the whole world. Merlin’s tongue was touching his own, and he didn’t think he would ever want anything else, ever again.

This time when they pulled apart for air they were both properly panting. Arthur was grinning like an idiot, nuzzling his nose against Merlin’s cheek as they took deep breaths.

But something was wrong. Merlin was blushing crimson, which was understandable, really, Arthur was feeling a bit flushed himself. But he looked uncomfortable rather than just shy, and Arthur could feel him pulling away just slightly, putting some distance between their bodies.

Arthur was having none of that. He used his hands on Merlin’s waist to pull their bodies flush together. Merlin’s eyes went wide and he yelped as if he had been burned, instantly pushing himself back, away from the contact. It surprised Arthur so much that his grip loosened, letting him go.

Arthur couldn’t figure out what was wrong, looking on with wide eyes as Merlin hunched his shoulders, arms crossed across his chest, eyed focused on the floor, refusing to look at Arthur. It was a stance he had never seen before, more closed off than Merlin had ever been towards him. He was at a loss to interpret it.

He had thought they were doing well, that Merlin was enjoying it as much as he was. He couldn’t imagine how he could not have, especially when he seemed to be responding so enthusiastically just a moment ago. But now he looked like he wanted to be anywhere else in the world, like he didn’t want Arthur to touch him or even look at him.

It made Arthur’s chest constrict painfully. Had he overstepped a crucial boundary? Did Merlin hate him now? He couldn’t take that, anything but that. He had to do something. It would hurt, but maybe he could apologize, pretend like it had all been a joke, let them forget it ever happened. He knew he could never actually forget, but if that’s what Merlin wanted…

“Merlin, I—“ he began, but Merlin cut him off.

“No, Arthur, it’s my fault, you don’t have to apologize. I know you wanted help…practicing, but I can’t go through with this, I just can’t.” His eyes remained firmly fixed on the floor, his arms curling around himself even tighter.

Arthur sighed. It was as he feared, then. “I’m sorry I asked you to do this,” he murmured softly, in what he hoped was a soothing tone. Soothing wasn’t really his strong suit. “I should have realized that it would…repulse you, that was thoughtless of me.” It hurt Arthur to say it, but he wanted Merlin to understand that he hadn’t meant to make him uncomfortable. His motives weren’t exactly honest, but he hadn’t wanted to cause Merlin distress, never.

Merlin looked up at that, his eyes beginning to water in that way Arthur knew meant he was holding back with all his strength. Merlin hated to cry in front of others, more than anything.

“That’s not it,” he replied, trying his hardest to look Arthur in the eye, with that strength of will that always surprised the prince. “That’s not it at all,” he repeated, murmuring softly to himself.

He suddenly stepped forward, catching Arthur off guard. Before Arthur could react Merlin was pressed against him again, hands clutching his own, holding on tightly as he pressed their hips together and… _oh_.

Arthur could feel it then, through the layers of fabric. Merlin’s arousal, pressing against his thigh. He could feel the heat of it and it made a corresponding heat pool in his own groin. Then this meant…

“Not repulsed,” Merlin murmured close to his ear. “Not at all. I just can’t…” he broke off and Arthur wanted to kiss his again, but Merlin held them in place and continued haltingly. “I can’t do this with you and then watch you go off with someone else. I can’t. Please don’t ask me to.”

And then Merlin, believing his point to be made, tried to pull away. But once again, Arthur had other ideas. He pulled his hand out of Merlin’s grasp and brought it up to cup his cheek, thumb running over those sharp cheekbones as he looked Merlin in the eye, making sure he had his full attention.

“I’m such an idiot,” he groaned, which was totally not what he had intended to say, but it made Merlin chuckle, and for that he was grateful. Merlin gave the smallest of nods, agreeing with this assessment.

Arthur bit his lip nervously, knowing he was about to make an ass of himself. But it had to be done.

“There is no girl,” he blurted out. Yes, that went smoothly.

Merlin just stared back blankly. “There never was a girl that I wanted to woo. There was never anyone but you. I came up with that stupid story about practicing so that you wouldn’t think I was, well…weird.”

Merlin smiled genuinely now, the lopsided, closed mouth smile that seemed to be reserved for Merlin's amusement at the stupid things Arthur did. “You are weird,” he replied, but his tone was playful.

“I’m the weird one?” Arthur asked, but then forsook further banter in favor of another deep kiss. This one was even better than the last, unrestrained by hesitancy or fears. Merlin gave himself over to Arthur fully, letting him explore his mouth, finding out what they both enjoyed most. Merlin, it turned out, loved it when Arthur sucked his bottom lip between his own. This, coincidentally, was also Arthur’s favorite thing.

They probably could have gone on like that indefinitely, but then Merlin shifted, accidentally grinding their hips together, and Arthur was suddenly reminded, in the most unambiguous way, of Merlin’s, er, attraction to him. Merlin whined a little at the contact, and that was a completely lovely noise which Arthur wanted to hear again _oh please_. He moved his leg slightly so his thigh slid against Merlin’s hardness again and this time the resulting whimper was even louder. Interesting.

Merlin broke away from the kiss with a gasp. “Arthur, please, if you keep doing that, I’ll—“ but Arthur kissed him again before he could finish the thought.

“That is rather the point,” Arthur mumbled, abandoning his mouth for a moment in favor of exploring along his jaw. He rolled his hips again and there is was, that amazing little noise. Arthur wondered what other noises he could pull out of Merlin if, say, he were to…

“Oh!” Merlin groaned this time as Arthur dropped one hand to cup his erection through his trousers. That was a nice noise indeed.

He rubbed up and down slowly and was rewarded with panted breathes, close to his ear. Also nice.

But then Arthur felt adventurous, and slipped his hand past the obstructing fabric, placing his fingers around Merlin’s bare flesh and—“ _Arthur!”_ \-- yes, that was the best of all.

Arthur grinned at Merlin, quite pleased with himself, and he started to stroke in a fast rhythm.

“Brat,” Merlin breathed out, capturing Arthur's mouth again, if only to wipe that cheeky grin away.

Arthur continued to stroke and Merlin groaned into his open mouth and that was entirely acceptable as well. He picked up the pace, fingers sliding rapidly from base to tip, and back down, twisting slightly on their descent. It seemed to be working rather efficiently, because Merlin tensed beneath him, then suddenly pulled away from his mouth.

“Arthur!” he moaned, partially muffled in Arthur’s shoulder (which was a shame, really), as he came in Arthur’s fist.

Arthur stayed like that for a moment, enjoying the weight of Merlin pressed against his shoulder, the warmth of his seed on his fingers. Finally Merlin collected himself enough to pull away, standing back to look at Arthur with the most satisfied grin Arthur had ever seen.

“So,” Merlin asked, while using his shirt to wipe them both off. “Did you get the _experience_ you were hoping for?”

Arthur pretended to consider this seriously for a moment, hand rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “I’d say that was good for a first lesson. But I’m sure there are plenty of other topics still left to cover.” And he swooped in for another kiss, soft and affectionate this time.

“I think you’re right, a strict curriculum is in order,” Merlin replied, returning the kiss. “What would you like to learn next?”

“Oh, I’ve got a few ideas,” Arthur replied. And he certainly did.


End file.
